EBCGM 02

Chapter 02 …

If You Can’t Avoid It, Enjoy It

Shortly after arriving at my assigned unit and completing my check-in, I was scheduled for an interview with the battalion commander, Lieutenant Colonel Kim. When I walked into his office, he greeted me with a warm, friendly face.

“Salute—!”

“Oh, right. Welcome. Take a seat over there.”

I’m no expert in physiognomy, but… even at a glance, the battalion commander radiated the vibe of someone with a serious temper. I sat down on the chair across from him.

“Welcome to our unit. The barracks might be a bit run-down, but contrary to how it looks, the living conditions aren’t bad.”

“Pri-vate Han Taepyeong! Yes, sir!”

“Full of military discipline, I see! Haha!”

Of course I was. Wouldn’t any new recruit straight out of training act the exact same way? He stared at me with a look of utter satisfaction.

“What were you doing on the outside before enlisting?”

“On the outside—”

“I mean before you joined the military. As far as I know, you’re not exactly young. I’m curious why you’re only enlisting now.”

For a second, I hesitated. How much should I actually reveal? I had been keeping the fact that I was a third-generation heir of the Shinmyung Group strictly under wraps.

And for good reason. My father had explicitly warned me that I wouldn’t get a single drop of special treatment during my service… and honestly, if I blabbed about being a billionaire, people would just think I was a lunatic.

“My studies took longer than expected, so—”

“Studies? What kind of studies?”

“I studied abroad in the States.”

“Oho, really? Then your English must be at a doctorate level!”

“No, sir.”

“Nonsense! If you studied abroad, that speaks for itself!”

I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut as much as possible. I judged that talking more would only work against me.

“Looks like a real talent just walked into our battalion!”

“…”

“It says here you completed tank driver training at Sangmudae.”

“Yes, sir. That is correct.”

“So, after driving a tank for a bit, did it feel like a good fit for your talents?”

Talents? Bringing up “personal talent” in the military felt like a total oxymoron, but I just had to roll with it.

“I simply try my best in everything I do, sir.”

“Hahaha! What a fine recruit we’ve got here! But what a shame… You went all the way to Sangmudae for tank driving training, but now that you’re at your permanent unit, it looks like you’ll be assigned to Headquarters Company. If you really want, I could pull a few strings—”

“I will strictly follow whatever decision you make, sir.”

“My decision?”

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t disappointed. A tank was something I’d never get a chance to drive outside the military. Going through driver training at Sangmudae had actually given me a sense of pride. But now that I was here, I was slated for a job completely unrelated to my specialty.

“Ah! I also heard you received a commendation back at the training center! Along with a reward leave!”

“I was just lucky, sir.”

“As you know, luck is a skill, too. But from the brief time I’ve spent looking at you, I doubt it was just luck.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I had only done what was expected of me, but somehow… I ended up becoming the head representative recruit for my entire company, which resulted in a commendation and reward leave.

“Anyway, going forward! Keep that exact same mindset! Stay healthy throughout your service! I’ll be keeping an eye on you!”

“Yes, sir! Understood!”

“Alright, you’re dismissed.”

“Salute!”

“Since it’s your first day, give your parents a call and get some rest. I’ll discuss with the officers which department in HQ Company to assign you to.”

Though I didn’t fully know what kind of person the battalion commander was yet, I gave him my loudest, crispest salute.

“Ah, wait a second. What does your father do for a living?”

“My father, sir? As for my father—”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a regular company employee.”

From day one at my assigned unit, I ended up becoming a local celebrity across the entire battalion—all thanks to the guys who had showered with me spreading rumors left and right.

Either way, after finishing interviews with the battalion commander, company commander, first sergeant, and squad leader, evening roll call finally arrived.

“Is that the guy?”

“Yes, Corporal.”

“He’s the one who’s supposedly hung like a horse? Man, he’s tall, too. Must be at least 190 cm.”

“…Being tall doesn’t automatically mean you’re packin’.”

“Look who’s talking. You’re tall, but down there you’re a total peanut.”

“That’s harsh, Corporal… A peanut…?”

“Am I wrong?”

The New Recruit Orientation.

It was a time when the new guy had to introduce himself to the senior soldiers in the barracks. They called it an “orientation,” but… it was basically an open season for seniors to rip you to shreds.

“New guy, front and center.”

“Pri-vate Han Taepyeong!”

At the order to step up in front of the TV, I let out a silent sigh and walked forward.

“Why are his shoulders so damn broad?”

“Looks like he moves pretty fast, too, doesn’t he?”

“Fuck, if I had that kind of build, I would’ve been a professional athlete—”

Dozens of eyes were locked onto me.

“Salute to the senior soldiers.”

“Sa! Lute! Pri-vate! Han Taepyeong!”

“That voice is booming, huh? Man, the barracks might explode. Do it one more time.”

Louder? Fine. If you’re gonna do something, might as well do it right.

“SAAA! LUUUTE!”

“…?”

“PRI! VATE! HAN! TAE! PYEONG!”

Is that good enough?

“Ow, my ears! My ears! Is that huge voice coming from that huge frame?! Why is it so loud?!”

“Hey, hey, whatever. Let’s finish this quick. Tell him to introduce himself.”

“Does he even need to introduce himself, Corporal? He’s already a battalion celebrity.”

“Hey, you idiot! Just because a guy’s packin’ doesn’t mean his military service is over!”

“Ahem.”

“We still gotta do things by the book.”

“You’re right, Corporal.”

Self-introduction? The moment I heard that, I spoke up before the squad leader beside me could even order it.

“As I just stated, my name is Han Taepyeong! Age 28! I returned to Korea after finishing my studies in the United States, after which I enlisted…!”

“Studied in the States? Is that your gimmick, or what?”

It wasn’t a gimmick; it was the literal truth.

“Hey, new guy.”

“Pri-vate Han—”

“Do you know what ‘new guy’ spelled backward is?”

“…Guy new?”

“Guys, did you hear what this bastard just said? Did he just call me a nutjob?!”

What is wrong with this guy? He literally set up the joke himself, and now he was acting completely shameless.

“If you really studied in America, why don’t you introduce yourself in English?!”

“Yeah, that’s great!”

“If it’s not a gimmick, prove it! What, are you scared now that we’re asking?!”

An English self-introduction… Well, that was child’s play for me. But how should I play this so it makes an impression? Since I’d already stated my name and age, I could skip the cliché stuff.

Looking straight at the guy who kept mocking me, I spoke up.

“Hey, nerd, jerk… can you understand what I’m saying?”

A sudden silence fell over the room.

“Hey, what did that bastard just say?”

“I think I only caught the word ‘understand,’ Corporal.”

“Write it down here! Write down whatever you just spouted!”

Figures.

“His pronunciation sounded pretty good, though?”

“You’ve rolled your tongue a bit, haven’t you? Huh?”

“Man, this is boring as hell. Screw all this, just make him do a talent show.”

A talent show. Having never done anything like this in my life, I wasn’t sure what to do. Still, with so many eyes on me, I couldn’t just stand there like a wooden post.

Thinking fast, I opened my mouth again.

“I don’t know if this counts as a talent, but—”

“What is it?!”

“If I lay flat on the floor, I’m confident I can hold my ground without budging, no matter how many people try to lift me.”

“What kind of fresh bullshit is that? What, did you learn wrestling or something?”

“…While in the U.S., I mostly played American football. But I did a bit of wrestling…”

“Oh, wait! Now that you mention it, look at his ears!”

I only brought it up because it was the only thing that came to mind, but the moment I finished speaking, a few senior soldiers known for their strength slowly approached me. I got down on the freezing barracks floor and pinned myself down.

“You guys better lift that bastard up, got it?”

“Corporal, there’s four of us.”

“If you fail, you’re all dead meat tonight.”

The guy who had been annoying me non-stop was standing back, arms crossed.

“Start!”

At his signal, all four of them tackled me at once.

“What the—?!”

“Grab his legs and lift! You idiots!”

“Holy… shit! He’s not budging at all!”

“Are you even trying?! Are you going easy on him just cause he’s the new guy?!”

“S-Seriously, Corporal! He’s like a boulder… no, a giant rock! His whole body is rock-solid!”

I was a guy who used to go head-to-head with massive white and Black athletes in football. Even if four guys tackled me at once… I wasn’t going to budge an inch.

While half the room watched me with their jaws wide open—

“You useless bastards! Hey, get out of the way!”

“Phew, phew! I’m really trying my…”

“I said get out of the way, you son of a bitch!”

The thorn in my side finally stepped up himself.

That was fine by me. In fact, I saw it as an opportunity—a chance to prove I wasn’t lying about my background, and to let this guy who kept pushing my buttons feel my strength firsthand.

Or so I thought.

“You just gotta grab him right here, you idiots!”

Sergeant Cheon Gyeong-tae.

The bastard grinned maliciously, reached down, and squeezed my testicles with full force.

A agonizing surge of pain shot through me, instantly draining the strength from my entire body.

“Can you still hold out now, huh?! Hey! Answer me, you bastard!”

Every human being has a limit to what they can endure. I had been playing this little game completely fair and square. But for him to pull a dirty trick that went way beyond a simple foul…

After a few excruciating seconds of holding back the pain… before I could even think, my instincts took over.

WHOOSH! THUD!

“…!”

“Ugh!”

My years of playing football paid off. In a desperate move to protect myself, I slammed my shoulder into Cheon Gyeong-tae, driving him backward.

My instinctive counterattack sent his body flying effortlessly into the air.

CRASH!

“Ch-Cheon Gyeong-tae Sergeant! Are you alright?!”

“Sergeant Cheon! Sergeant Cheon!”

A motto I had carried with me for a long time: Be tough with the strong. Be soft with the weak. And give dirty, cowardly scum a taste of real justice.

The moment he bounced off my body and crashed to the floor, several guys who witnessed it up close scrambled to their feet. I was still crouching there in extreme agony from the cheap shot to my groin… the absolute most vulnerable spot for any man.

“You piece of shit! How dare you push me?!”

Cheon Gyeong-tae shoved aside the juniors who rushed over to help him and stomped toward me, his face twisted with rage. It felt like a fist or a boot was about to come flying at my face any second.

Right then—

“Hey, stop it.”

“I’m gonna kill this motherfucker—!”

WHISH!

Another senior soldier carrying four stripes on his chest—a fellow Sergeant—hurl a pillow right at Cheon Gyeong-tae’s face with a look of pure irritation.

“I said stop it, you son of a bitch. Does a senior’s word mean nothing to you?”

The pillow scored a direct hit right on his face.

“…What the hell do you think you’re doing…?”

“What am I doing? What am I doing?! Look at this guy!”

“Ha!”

“Just because you finally got four stripes, you think you own the place?”

“Why are you jumping into something that’s none of your business—!”

“Holy shit. I’m so dumbfounded I can’t even laugh. Hey, everyone below my rank, hit the deck. Except the new guy.”

“…!”

“Didn’t you hear me? Push-up position, every single one of you bastards!”

At that, the guys quickly glanced between the two sergeants and scrambled to get into push-up positions.

“You dirty, cowardly bastard. As a sergeant, the best you could grab was a man’s balls?”

“…!”

“Have you no shame, pulling a pathetic stunt like that right in front of your juniors? Just because I’ve been acting nice lately, you all forgot what kind of person I am, huh?”

“N-No, Sergeant!”

“Who told you to lower your hips?! Get into proper form!”

After that, not a single person dared to utter a word of complaint.

“New guy, just focus on recovering. You alright?”

“…Yes, sir. I’m… okay…”

“Guys who pull cheap tricks when they can’t win with strength, and the idiots who stand around giggling at it—they’re all the exact same trash. Right?”

With that, he took a hand out of his pocket and patted me on the back a couple of times.

It was a truly dynamic first night at my new unit.